too bad you live with your parents still
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
