He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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