i barfeds in our rink
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
