bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
