No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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