You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
