Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
