So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
