This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
