Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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