he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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