no, he came in my armpit
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
