and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
