We won't sleep together?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
