there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm having to shit out rocks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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