remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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