If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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