I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
