why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
