Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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