He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His nipple licking is glorious
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