The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
