ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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