If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
