Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
