i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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