Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
