i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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