Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
