When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
