she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
