so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
