Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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