Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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