i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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