you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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