I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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