Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
