that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
