She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
