the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
