No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
