I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
pray to the hookup gods
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
