dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
