We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
