I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need water and some morals
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
