i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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