Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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