you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
