just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
