part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
