To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
