i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
