I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
